I feel the irony of pain. I’m truly lost from my soul. So much goes into the dispear that I’m force to feeling. No going away or escaping my fears. I once only dreamt of pain. But, now I feel a drought of love and help. Lately I spent my time trying to decrease pain and the weakness that may emerge. I ask myself quite frequently why does happiness elude me. A search I’ve been persuing for what it seems like a life time now. It’s just instinctual when I know fear will strike continual. The hardest thing to do it to fight all the fears as if I’m prepared for it. Crying and praying lord help me, because I don’t always know the answer. I am weak more and more frequently and I just need your guidance. My begging isn’t cheap but necessary for survival. I don’t know what else to do but turn to the creator. Create he did, help he may and fear he doesn’t.