Real Love, True Beauty

My eyes let me see you.

I’m glad I saw you.

Your looks are to die for.

You’re a killer with those heart breaking lips.

So be careful how you choose to you them.

Do not smile too quickly; you need to ease them into it

There is something powerful in you.

You’re so pretty, graceful and know all types of techniques to keep me looking at you from time to time.

I look up and see heaven is that your hometown.

I need to stop but I’m glad your here.

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3 comments

  1. This is another beaut! However, I have to point out a few very minor points.

    Line 1: I think it should be let and not lets
    Line 4: You’re not your
    Line 5: Choose not chose, use not you I think
    Line 6: I think it would work better if it was ‘Do not smile too quickly; you need to ease them into it’
    Line 7: Maybe in you would work better
    Line 8: Maybe ‘ You are so pretty, graceful; you know how to keep my gaze from straying for too long’
    Line 9: see that Heaven is
    Line 10: I’m instead of i’m

    Sorry, I’m a bit of a freak. Awesome message though. She’s a lucky girl!

  2. The changes are great buddy. Sorry if my comment offended you at all, I learn best from someone pointing out the little things. By all means feel free to do the same to my work, it difficult to find someone who does that!

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